You can not live life without love and grief. At some point in our lives we will be met with grief, whether we like it or not. It is not about an “if” but a “when”, and when we encounter it most of the time we are not prepared to face it.
That is why we would like to talk about how grief is not something that goes away with time, it is something you learn to live with.
It is important to note that the emotions that come in this period are overwhelming and sometimes it is hard to understand yourself, but be gentle, take your time, don't put pressure on yourself and your healing journey.
Again you don’t just move on with your life, don’t expect the grief to be with you only for a period of time, it will stay with you but you learn to live with it, you learn to navigate it, you will move forward but still feel sad sometimes, and that is okay.
Why can't you “move on”?
This phrase, "to move on”, is often used when something inconvenient happens in your life, when you lose a job or when you get out of a relationship, but you can’t really use it for someone's passing. Why? Because you just can't put someone aside and forget about them, you can not put them in a box in your subconscious and lock it.
All the memories that you created with them are still very much alive, they live through you, they are still present in your life. As long as you keep them with you they are not gone they remain with you.
That does not mean that you are in denial or that you don't want to accept the fact that they are no longer with you, it just means that you would rather keep on remembering them and keep their memory alive. You are who you are because of the impact they had in your life, whether it was your mom/dad, spouse, partner, friend, they had such a great impact in your life that you can not just forget them and let go of who they were and still are in you.
Of course it won’t be the same but as a human being you will move forward. You can not live in the past and you should not. It is not healthy, you can’t chase the “sameness” of what it was, you move forward with them but in a different form.
How to find joy again?
Don’t be afraid to relive all the great moments you had together. Don’t be afraid to talk about them, but most importantly don’t blame yourself when you find happiness again.
This concept seems so far lost and so out of reach but allow yourself to find joy in the mourning. Once you accept what has just happened in your life and you work on your feelings and allow yourself to feel them and live the intensity that comes through those emotions then you will start to find joy again, in the people that are around you in the moments that you got to live with the person that you lost, to be grateful for the time you had together and for the memories that are still there, and they are still with you through them.
How can you help those who went through a loss?
If you never experienced a loss you may be lost for words. You don’t know what to say or what to do, but try to put yourself in their place and see how you would like others to talk to you and how you would like others to help you.
It is important to try to remember that some things can not be fixed and grief includes a multitude of emotions, they can be emotions of pure joy and sadness all at once, and it is okay. You need to remember that a grieving person is going to smile again and laugh again.