The loss of a loved one brings a lot of unknown emotions. Pain, anxiety, frustration and helplessness are some of the deep feelings that you are experiencing in those moments. These feelings can transform into prolonged suffering, which, in most cases, forces you into a stage of depression. That is why you need to take your time with every new feeling that you may experience in these moments. The pain that you feel when someone you love passes away can not be measured or put into words, but it can be understood and accepted.
The pain comes in stages - see what those stages consist of and go through every one of them in order to be set free
Psychologists have identified, in the case of bereaved people, seven different stages of grief. Here are the stages that, unfortunately, each of us will go through at some point:
1. Shock
This is the first reaction you have when you find out about the death, especially if it happens all of sudden and unexpected. You try to protect yourself in order to not feel the pain that will eventually come, and first you may react with uncertainty. You still can not comprehend that any of it is real or that it happened to you. The shock represents a barrier that helps you cope with the news you got.
This stage is followed by some physical reactions, like dizziness, you can not think clearly or see the next step you have to make. You have to do anything that stands in your power to overcome this barrier.
2. Denial
Denial comes almost at the same time as the stage of sock. You can not believe what just took place. You may think that this is just a bad joke and you are expecting at any moment to wake up from this nightmare.
It may take a lot of time to get over this stage of denial. When you will get your emotions in check and you will embrace the reality, only then you can accept what truly happened and you can go through the next stages as well.
3. Guilt
After denial comes the feeling of guilt. First of all you consider yourself guilty because you did not do something to prevent the death. Questions like ‘why was i not there’ or ‘why didn’t we try a different doctor or specialist?’ can follow you for a long period of time.
After that you may feel guilty about how you acted with your loved one before their passing. You remember all of those moments when you talked harshly to them, you remember when you did not offer your help when they needed it and all of those times you let by without telling her/him that you love them.
The feeling of guilt won’t let you see things clearly.
4. Anger and bargaining
Anger comes next. The guilt is transformed into frustration and then into anger. You are mad that you could not prevent the event. At the same time you start looking for someone to blame. Maybe you think that your family is to blame, or the doctors, or the nurses. You consider that everyone took a small part in the death of your loved one and you start to blame them for it.
The question ‘why is this happening to me’ appears. You are angry at God, at life. At this stage try to remember that death is a natural thing, at some point in our lives we will all get to experience it and we can not escape it.
The bargaining process is followed by a lot of ‘ifs’ and the thought that you could have changed something. You start to think about different outcomes that would have led to a different scenario, when your loved one is still present. Be careful! Blinded by all this suffering you can break a lot of special relationships that you have with the people that are with you and want to offer you their help.
It is important to always ask yourself if your thoughts truly reflect the reality you are living. Try to remember that we as humans don't have the ability to decide the moment our loved one will pass.
5. Depresion
Next is one of the most sensitive subjects. You feel like you are in a stage of life that can not be beared, and this is the open window you leave for the depression to come on in.
You feel like you need to be left alone, to turn back time when you were happy with your loved one. Be careful, you are entitled to take some alone time and reflect on your feelings, but don’t cut all your connections with the world. Don’t let your isolation become a stage of depression.
Maybe more than ever, here is where you need to contact a specialist that knows how to help you and guide you on the right path. Depression is easier to bear when you identify it and treat it from the very first signs.
6. Hope
With the passing of time you start to see things more clearly. That does not mean that the feelings of sorrow, anger, guilt disappear completely, but they are not as strong as they were.
From this moment onward, you are ready to get back on your feet and take on normal day to day tasks. That does not mean that you're leaving your loved one in the past, you are taking them with you along the way.
The sadness that you feel won’t go away completely, but it will get better with time, and now you are ready for the final stage: acceptance.
7. Acceptance
The last stage: acceptance. Here you will start to integrate your suffering in your day to day life and you will succeed in coping with the feelings that used to overwhelm you.
To admit that your loved one is no longer with you, does not mean that you will forget about her/him. You will continue to feel an emptiness in your heart , a feeling of sadness, but this is the sign that you realized that you are not to blame for their death.
Let us remember that we are individual beings with unique emotions and any one of us may cope with the loss of someone we love in different ways. Now that you know all the stages of grief you can spend some time and reflect upon your own grief.
After all this you may want to keep their memory alive for as long as possible. A great way to do just that is to create a memorial of your loved on our page at https://www.funero.co.uk/add-memorial.