When someone you know goes through the death of a loved one you may want to show your support by attending the funeral and being there for them. You may not know what the funeral etiquette is or how it is proper to act.
When attending a funeral you need to keep the following aspects in mind:
1. The proper attire
Black or dark-colored attire is common, and it's considered respectful to dress modestly. Hats are less common nowadays, but they are still worn occasionally, especially by older attendees.
Black has long been the color associated with mourning, as it has connotations of being respectful. If you have not been told otherwise, it is advised that you choose a predominantly black coloured outfit for the funeral you are attending.
Please be aware that some people may want for the attendants to wear a specific color. To avoid any mishaps, consult the family organizing the funeral, or dress neutrally.
2. Send an email, text or call the organizer of the funeral to let them know that you will attend
Organizing an event such as this one can be overwhelming. In most cases the family is prepared for a large number of people, but it’s polite to let them know in advance whether you’re coming or not.
3. What flowers to bring
In the United Kingdom white lilies are the most popular and traditional funeral flower. Carnations and roses are usually also a very popular choice traditionally. Though the most common color is white, you can also opt for yellow, pale blue or pink.
Flower arrangements are a respectable way to show your love and respect to those in mourning.
If you forget to bring flowers to the funeral you can send them later on, a week or two later, even if you send them a month later it is still not too late. It shows that you are thinking about the family.
4. Condolences and Expressions of Sympathy
Offering condolences to the bereaved is an important part of funeral etiquette. Maybe you do not know what to say in these moments, but keep in mind that it is better to say something as simple as "I'm sorry for your loss" than to say nothing at all.
5. Donations and contributions
In lieu of flowers, some families may request donations to a specific charity or cause. Respect these wishes and consider making a contribution as a way to honor the deceased.
But what amount of money should you give? In most cases you can contribute the equivalent of what you might have spent on flowers. However, the donation amount can vary, and you are free to give more or less based on your financial capacity. Do not feel obligated to give more than you can, the family would not want to be a burden for you.
6. Sitting arrangements
It is best to wait for as long as you can to take a seat. There may be reserved seating for family and close friends.
Follow the guidance of the ushers or funeral directors regarding where to sit. If there's no specific seating arrangement, choose a seat quietly and with respect.
7. Show your support in the following weeks
After the funeral is over, the pain that the family feels does not stop, it goes on. In most cases it will never end but it will get better with time.
So until then, show up for them, offer your help and if they say they do not need it let them know that the offer will stand. Another way you can show your support is by remembering the date of the funeral and sending flowers yearly or send them a text to let them know that you are still thinking about them.
Sending a condolence letter or card within a few weeks of the funeral is a thoughtful gesture. Share your memories of the deceased or offer your ongoing support to the grieving family.
8. What you should not do at a Funeral
We talked about proper etiquette, but is it as important to lay down some aspects that can come as rude or are improper.
- Do not show up late! If you know that you are prompt to be late, start to get ready an hour before you would normally do. Do everything in your power to show up on time.
- Leaving early; if you had something planned for the day, cancel all other things in order to show your support for the family.
- Taking phone calls or using your phone during the ceremony. Silencing or turning off mobile phones is a must during the funeral service. Using phones for calls, messages, or photography is considered disrespectful and disruptive.
9. What happens after the funeral?
In most cases after the ceremony ends the family will host a get together with the people that attended the funeral, this event is called a wake.
The wake can take place at their home or at a restaurant. But be aware that the family may want to invite only the family and close friends.
Understanding and adhering to these funeral etiquette practices demonstrates empathy and consideration during a difficult time. It's a way to show support for the grieving family and pay respects to the departed soul.
If you find yourself in need of a funeral agency, Funero is your reliable partner. Find out more about our services here https://www.funero.co.uk/funeral-services-uk/direct-cremation.